Eye openers

I’ve really had some good smacks in the face on reality. We are really struggling with a lot right now, especially financially. We started doing the financial peace university by Dave Ramsey through our church. Great program. It wasn’t until yesterday, though, that I realized how bad it had gotten. I went to the store to get a few basic groceries. When they check me out, neither my debit or my credit cards would go through. They kept telling me it was a code saying there is insufficient funds. I had become that person. The person who goes through the grocery store and holds up the line because she can’t pay for her groceries. I was carrying Remy in my ergo and had Elli in the cart. I was mortified. Now I was able to transfer money from savings to finally get my groceries, but still. I started sobbing when I got in the car.

I sat down and did our budget for the month of August using a form from the class. Because of that budget, twice in one day, I had to tell people I could no longer afford something I had said I was going to do.

It’s very hard to admit, but I’m dealing with a lot of pride here. Tony pointed it out to me, and he’s right. I’m too worried all the time about what people are going to think about me. Not just in the financial aspect of my life, but every aspect of it. It’s really becoming a problem I think too. I’ve always dealt with low self esteem. Now it’s just driving me nuts. I for once need a little confidence in who I am and who God made me to be. I’m not going to get anywhere in life with the way I’ve been.

Let me tell ya, I’m so ready to see this new counselor next week.

I’m ready to see a doctor too. I really need to do something about this fatigue and fibromyalgia type symptoms I deal with. I need a doctor to take me seriously too.

I just want peace. Health. Happiness. I know this is just one of those down times we all get in life. Things will get better. Things will be good again. It’s just the feeling like we’ll never get there that sucks.

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