Each step I take is a struggle lately. Not only do I already deal with depression, anxiety, and who knows what else; but I also deal with SAD- seasonal affective disorder. Ironic acronym, isn’t it?
That means that the same time every year, I get deeper feelings of depression. I find it’s usually around November, no matter the circumstances. But it has to do with the days being shorter. Less daylight. Less sunlight. And already not much sunlight gets in my house because of my house’s position.
Anyways, for me, SAD takes a lot of mind over matter. Pushing myself. Pleading with myself. Making a routine and STICKING TO IT. Like glue. Like super glue. Like a stinking screw in a wall.
If I don’t, I end up getting consumed. A spiritual warfare goes on around me. The devil is fighting to take my life while the angels fight to preserve it and keep me focused. In the meantime, my thoughts are going a million miles a minute through my head.
Am I being grim enough for you? Lol
But truly, though some won’t admit it, that is what this “invisible” illness is like. Pushing through every day like we’re dragging bricks tied to a string.
I get so overwhelmed by all my responsibilities. Wife, mom, maid, student, saleswoman, etc. But all it takes is prioritizing and remembering what’s most important- following and trusting God to where He wants me to go. One step at a time. That’s all it takes.