Can’t Complain

Today was a productive day for me. Unfortunately not in aspects of a clean house, but on the road to an uphill climb in this roller coaster ride of depression.

With much excitement, I received my Plexxus package!

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So I’ve started that part on the climb. A healthy me equals a happier me. I’ve already noticed it kicking my cravings a bit.

Second thing, I went to Hobby Lobby again. Decided I didn’t need one of the books I got and exchanged it for some hemp cord and beads to play with until I can get more supplies. Made my first project :).

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A fun bracelet! Little bit rough looking, but I’m pretty proud haha. I made a little something out of extras too.

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Not sure what it is lol. Could be a key chain or something I guess.

So I feel satisfied with my day.

But now that I’m settled down for the day with my thoughts, I’m finding my thoughts to be conflicting. Am I happy or sad? Some things I think about and I get this pit in my stomach. It’s hard to explain. It’s a pit of dread, but from nowhere. Not sure what I’m dreading so much that it feels like I got punched in the gut.

I do know part of my dread is my husband’s schedule the next two weeks. He works a completely different shift for the next two weeks. It’s really not so bad. But I tend to get messed up on that routine I need to stick to when his schedule is different. Then, his schedule changes all the time. Oh, the Army life.

My counselor has told me in the past that I need to live like he’s deployed all the time. Stick to what I’m doing no matter what so that I’m prepared for when he is gone or things are different. Sounds awful, but it really does make a lot of sense. Especially for someone who needs routine as much as me.

Then, again, all my responsibilities come to mind and drag me down. How I don’t have enough time in the day for everything or how hard it is just to run simple errands anymore. I feel like I’m neglecting my friends. I worry about losing them. Then I worry what they’re thinking about me and how horrible I am.

It’s a whole circle of thoughts really. Drives me crazy.

In the end, as I am here winding down for the day, I remember to just reflect on my blessings. Focus on now and preparing for rest for a new day with new chances. Can’t complain about that, can I?

Initial Outfitters consultant- http://www.initialoutfitters.net/MandyLR

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