A Pit of Dread

You ever get a pit in your stomach? When you’re nervous about a test? Or nervous about a performance? Big date? Etc?

How about in the middle of just a normal day out of nowhere? About nothing?

I’ve been getting those frequently. It’s like a punch in the gut. Like I’m dreading something. Maybe life.

Sounds gruesome, huh? But that’s the honest reality of depression sometimes.

When I get these pits, that’s the time I do something to distract myself. Whatever sounds appealing despite my depression. Like a hobby. I pick up my hemp cord and start knotting a bracelet. I pick up some yarn and a hook and work on crocheting a purse. Or I just pick up my computer and control the life of a sim on the Sims 3.

Sometimes, though, none of that sounds appealing. So I just end up sitting on my couch staring into space with a mental pity party. And that pit lingers and gets deeper. And deeper. All I want then is to curl up in a corner and cry.

I talked about that pit to my counselor today. She helped me see some light. She told me to think about how I feel when I get that pit and figure out what it is I want. Basically, it roots from a problem of how I feel about the situation I’m thinking about. For instance, I get a pit in my stomach thinking about doing my school. I feel more of a peace, though, when I think about taking a break from it. So through some thought and prayer, I’ve decided it’s best for me when this session is over to take a session off.

I feel a pit when I think about work and contacting people to do parties or buy product etc etc. Then I realize, being pushy, seeming like I’m nagging, that’s not who I am. So part of my new year’s resolution is to rethink and redo how I do my business. It is my own business, right?

Basically, I’m not letting these pits decide what to do. I’m deciding to take these pits and throw them in their own pit. I’m taking them as a sign that I need to identify a problem and take it to God to figure out how to solve that problem. Thought and prayer. That is what will work for me.

So how about you? You ever get that pit of dread? You ever know why you get it? Think about it. Be selfish for a minute and think about yourself. Who you are and what you want. Then decide what gives you peace. What the path to peace is. True peace. True peace and joy.

Initial Outfitters consultant- http://www.initialoutfitters.net/MandyLR

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