Every day has been a quarrel of thoughts for me in every aspect of my life. Every thought that crosses my mind has had some sort of contradiction. My job, my relationships, myself…But the biggest one of all- my faith.
There has not been a day that’s gone by in which I haven’t had some sort of wonder or question in my head about where I stand on matters of my faith.
I was raised as a Christian in a Christian home. We went to church every Sunday, prayed, read the Bible, and that jazz. I am thankful for it.
But I have gone back and forth many times on the different beliefs I hold. My mind has grown more and more open as a result.
Every day I wonder, “was this Providence? Was this coincidence?” or “have I lost my faith? My way?”
My faith and belief in God always holds strong. I believe He exists. I believe in His Son, Jesus. I believe Jesus came to die for our sins. I believe in the Bible.
But where I struggle most is how I interpret the Bible to apply to my daily life and decisions. I question where certain circumstances fit in with my faith. Right from wrong.
“Did I make a mistake? Is this the right thing to do? Do I agree or disagree? Is this the wrong way to look at it? What could I have done better?” These are only a few of the questions I deal with daily. And very generic.
My current struggle has been battling my depression and battling with my job in direct sales. They both seem to tie together, too. My depression is bad right now. It’s been hard to get out of this slump. Therefore, it has been hard to follow any kind of path with my direct sales. Do I push through and still strive hard at the success I dream of? Or do I just give myself time? Cut myself slack? Is my depression just getting in the way?
Is my depression telling me I’m failing? Or do I really just need to take a break?
I could go on. But for the sake of everyone’s sanity and preventing confusion, I’ll stop there for now.
Point is, I am ashamed to question so much on my faith on such a daily and even hourly basis. I’m ashamed to sometimes doubt God in my decisions. At the same time, I am not ashamed because I know I am learning with every thought. He gives me peace.
Initial Outfitters consultant- http://www.initialoutfitters.net/MandyLR