Ashamed but not

In Good Faith

Every day has been a quarrel of thoughts for me in every aspect of my life. Every thought that crosses my mind has had some sort of contradiction. My job, my relationships, myself…But the biggest one of all- my faith.

There has not been a day that’s gone by in which I haven’t had some sort of wonder or question in my head about where I stand on matters of my faith.

I was raised as a Christian in a Christian home. We went to church every Sunday, prayed, read the Bible, and that jazz. I am thankful for it.

But I have gone back and forth many times on the different beliefs I hold. My mind has grown more and more open as a result.

Every day I wonder, “was this Providence? Was this coincidence?” or “have I lost my faith? My way?”

My faith and belief in God always holds strong. I believe He exists. I believe in His Son, Jesus. I believe Jesus came to die for our sins. I believe in the Bible.

But where I struggle most is how I interpret the Bible to apply to my daily life and decisions. I question where certain circumstances fit in with my faith. Right from wrong.

“Did I make a mistake? Is this the right thing to do? Do I agree or disagree? Is this the wrong way to look at it? What could I have done better?” These are only a few of the questions I deal with daily. And very generic.

My current struggle has been battling my depression and battling with my job in direct sales. They both seem to tie together, too. My depression is bad right now. It’s been hard to get out of this slump. Therefore, it has been hard to follow any kind of path with my direct sales. Do I push through and still strive hard at the success I dream of? Or do I just give myself time? Cut myself slack? Is my depression just getting in the way?

Is my depression telling me I’m failing? Or do I really just need to take a break?

I could go on. But for the sake of everyone’s sanity and preventing confusion, I’ll stop there for now.

Point is, I am ashamed to question so much on my faith on such a daily and even hourly basis. I’m ashamed to sometimes doubt God in my decisions. At the same time, I am not ashamed because I know I am learning with every thought. He gives me peace.

Initial Outfitters consultant-

3 thoughts on “Ashamed but not

  1. I know where you’re coming from with this entry. I’m going through a slightly different struggle with the faith part but the depression and direct sales part hit the nail on the head. The more I learn about the direct selling industry, the more I feel myself slowly sinking into a bout of depression – sometimes I find myself questioning whether there is a purpose to what I’m trying to do when everyone else has already gotten at least a mile head start.

    There are plenty of sites there that coach people how to direct sell – but not all of them do so for free or in an approachable way.

    I’m glad I took the time to read your blog post about your struggles, hon, because you helped me realize a lesson that God’s been trying to teach me for some time but never fully understood how it applied in my own life.

    Be sure to check out my latest blog entry today on Jan 12. Dedicated entry to you.

    • Thank you! Yes I quite agree. The more I learn about direct sales, the more I question what I’m doing. Then I remember, it’s my business. I represent my companies. They don’t own me or dictate what I do. They can only give me recommendations. In the end, it’s up to me. Of course they do have rules and regulations, but nothing to prevent me from some of my strategies. I’m on a mission to make it work. Where there’s a will there’s a way. I love the companies I sell for and love what I do.

      I often feel like everyone else had a head start too. Like I’m way behind. Good to know I’m not alone.

      Thanks again for your comment!

      • With what I do, I’m kinda late to the scene. I’m telling people how to run their direct selling gig successfully and Google showed me quite a few people who have been doing this for some time. Twitter has it worse (the number of people who bombard their followers with tweets of self-promotion… @_@ sshhhh that’s a secret lol!)

        In direct selling, we’re always gonna feel like we’re late to the scene, when in reality we’re not. We can’t measure ourselves against those who got a head start. They are not us and we are not them by the end of the day, and I think that’s one thing that needs to be promoted more in direct selling.

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