Facing the Fear

Again I have let a long length of time go by before posting. Almost 4 months this time. But in those short 4 months, since dealing with a deep depression and my 5th miscarriage, my life has been changing significantly.

When I had that miscarriage, in my last post I mentioned that I felt God already turning it into good. Well, that was just the beginning.

I had made a decision. Enough was enough. I was sick of the rut I was living in with the depression and hating who I was. So I began to make changes. I started focusing on taking better care of myself. I was determined to lose the last bit of baby fat that was just not going away and to just be healthy.

I started using a program through Herbalife. Right away I was sold just by the taste of the shakes. Then, I started just FEELING better. Long story short, I got back to my pre-pregnancy weight 15 lbs later. The most amazing part? I felt the best I ever have in my life. I felt better not just about myself, but about my life. I found new purpose and meaning with living the lifestyle I was. Being active and especially eating so much healthier by Herbalife’s guidelines made such a difference in my energy levels, and even my mood. My depression? Not gone. Never gone. But controlled. Most days I can say I feel happy and can be positive. I still stumble of course lol. But I finally see a light again.

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This was day one of starting Herbalife to when I hit my goal.

I even started being a distributor. “Oh no, another company she’s trying to sell for.” I know that’s what some people thought when I first announced it on Facebook haha. And I don’t blame them. I’ve been through a lot of trial and error with direct sales companies.

But this? This is it. This is so incredibly and amazingly different for me. Already I’ve been helping people get started on a healthier life, and I love it!! It is a true passion. I’ve always wanted a way to help others through what I’ve experienced, and I found a way. I want to help. Make some money from it? Sure, yeah that’s nice. But I finally am doing something I LOVE. I plan to take it as far as I can. I’m still working on my business degree. But I also plan to add on becoming a certified personal trainer and nutritionist. I always thought I might enjoy that, but now I know I enjoy helping others in this.

What about my music you say? Heck yeah that’s still a goal! Who says I can’t do it all? Lol music and health and fitness are the gifts God has given me because they are my therapy in my weaknesses. They make me stronger, physically and mentally in so many numerous ways.

My heart has been overflowing with joy in this new journey and the parts ahead.

But yeah, the stumbling? I still struggle. Still have my issues haha. Now that I’ve gotten my depression mostly under control, I’ve been facing the bigger issue. The root to all of my struggles. Anxiety.

Anxiety is the original problem. I have dealt with it as long as I can remember. Irrational fear and worry about every detail in my life. I dealt with a lot of panic attacks early in life. Still do sometimes, but now I’m used to them and can see them better before they hit and most of the time get them under control.

So since making the changes I have, I’ve been breaking out of my shell a lot. Putting myself in situations that I normally would just naturally avoid. The biggest one? Social situations. Meeting new people.

Being a serious Herbalife distributor, I need a support system everywhere I go. So I started going to the local nutrition club where they sell the shakes and do fit camp workouts. One step at a time. Went with friends the first few times. Introduced myself to the owners. Then I finally went by myself and started making a conscious effort to introduce myself to other people there. Talk about shell shock lol. I was so glad I did and feel blessed to be getting plugged in. But then, I get home, and I find myself stressing about it and worrying about what everyone thought about me and if they’re still thinking about what an awkward idiot I am haha.

I thought to myself, this cannot be good to feel like this. I never could correctly label myself as an introvert or an extrovert. And I don’t know if I’m even an extroverted introvert or introverted extrovert lol. Why? It goes so much deeper. It’s called social anxiety. Ever heard of it? I had because of family history, but I never realized till now how bad it actually is for me.

Want to know what life is like for me? Found the perfect article through Pinterest on Buzzfeed. Click it and read it if you want to understand me a little better. Helped me understand myself better lol.

But the key thing? I get nervous about things in a social situation that some people don’t even think about. I over analyze everything. I think about it for days even sometimes.

This is honestly taking a lot of guts for me to share about right now. It’s embarrassing. But, I’m learning not to be ashamed. And I’m sure there are people out there who can relate and will now know they are not alone (even if you think you want to be alone haha).

So a problem defined is a problem half solved. I can joyfully say, I’m going to get through this. Gonna continue with the shell shock. Facing my fears, though sometimes stressful, has been empowering. I’m gonna embrace it.

Do you want to embrace the power too? Don’t wait to talk to me. I’m all ears and would love to help you get on a better road.

Peace and God bless, my friends! 🙂

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